A funny thing happened on the way to the bank
by ElrodAlbino
Summary: Wherein Taylor is somewhat more confident and perceptive, and Danny forced his family to watch old movies together.
1. A Funny Thing Happened

Wherein Taylor is slightly more confident and perceptive, and Danny loves sharing old movies with his family.

* * *

After lunch, Taylor pulled Lisa to the side to chat. Lisa tried to give the taller girl her usual foxy grin, but even Taylor's rudimentary social skills could tell it was a little weak. Naturally, the thinker had a pretty good idea as to what Taylor would say.

Speaking before Lisa had a chance, Taylor started in. "Lisa, I'm new to this, but I'm not stupid. This is pretty obviously a distraction. Robbing the biggest bank in town at noon? Come on, we may as well be taking out an advertisement. Now, I'm not going to back out, but tell me this: did our mysterious boss actually tell you he wanted a distraction, or did he just suggest high-profile jobs?"

Lisa took a slow breath. "No, the boss didn't explicitly say to make a distraction, but there has been an expectation that I can fill in the blanks."

Taylor cocked her head to the side. "An expectation? Does that mean that you won't give me the details for the phone lines and the security alarms? Because taking those out beforehand would definitely make this safer for us."

Lisa bit her lip for a minute before shaking her head. "Sorry Taylor, I'm not willing to go against the boss in this. You should focus on what weapons and gear you want instead." She got up and walked to the fridge, turning her laptop towards Taylor as she went. The screen showed her sketch of the bank, with the locations of the landline and security system clearly marked.

* * *

Taylor was sitting in the van outside the bank, eyes closed as she focused. They were going to hit the bank in only a few minutes, and she was making sure her changes to the plan were done. Several hardy beetles were chewing on the phone line, and the security system was going to be buggy this afternoon as well. Brian-no, it was Grue when in costume-shook her, just as the phone line parted. Her mask concealed her smile as she and her swarm left the van.

* * *

The first part of the plan was going without a hitch. The Undersiders had stormed in, taking everyone inside by surprise. The guards were quickly disarmed and Bug-Girl was watching over the hostages, each one having a pair of Black Widow spiders as wardens. Her nerves had her walking back and forth in front of them, partially trying to be cool, but also because she had the beginning of a headache building. As she turned to continue her pacing, she noticed that one of the hostages was moving - and her spiders weren't! Darting over, she grabbed the brunette, twisting her wrist to reveal her palmed cell phone. Bug-Girl snatched the phone, glancing at the half-finished message to "Vicky" calling for help before dragging the girl forward and actually looking at her.

The erstwhile hostage was a somewhat plain looking girl with frizzy brown hair that Bug-Girl felt she should know, somehow. Bug-Girl glared at her for a moment before widening her eyes in recognition. She realized who this girl was, and her mind raced as she tried to figure out how to stop things from getting worse.

Suddenly, a memory came to her, and with it, a plan. Not a great plan, but it was all she had. 'Dammit dad, this is entirely your fault!' she thought to herself.

Taking a deep breath and readying her insects for speech, Bug-Girl began. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it appears we have a celebrity in our midst! Panacea! With a face that holds a thousand promises, and a body that stands behind each promise!"

With those words, the brunette's face turned fire-engine red, unknowingly matched by Taylor's behind Bug-Girl's mask, but the insect-themed undercover hero wasn't done.

"We can't have a celebrity of your standing groveling on the floor! No, for a hostage of your renown, only the best will do!" Bug-Girl dragged the blushing girl off to the side, toward the manager's office, dropping the phone on a desk as she passed. Pushing past the partially-open door, she maneuvered the healing heroine into the comfortable chair behind the desk before snatching the paralyzed spiders from her shoulders and stuffing them into one of her belt compartments. Without giving Panacea time to get up or protest, Bug-Girl grabbed the phone off the desk, yanking it free, and slammed the door, jamming a chair underneath the knob before dropping the desk phone on the seat. Casting a look over at the still seated hostages, Bug-Girl tilted her head to the side menacingly, ensuring they dropped their eyes back down.

* * *

As they left the bank through the front doors into the mostly empty street outside, Tattletale gave Bug-Girl a look. "Flirting with the New Wave girl? Why Bug-Girl, I didn't know you swung that way!"

Naturally, this caught Regent's attention. "You and Panacea? Quick, tell me everything. No, wait, I changed my mind. I'll imagine it instead. I don't want you to ruin the fantasy, dork."

Once again, Taylor's face was flaming red underneath her mask as they slid into the van, each of them carrying several bags full of cash.

"But seriously, that was a good catch, figuring out she was there, and getting her isolated. Nicely done, Bug-Girl." Tattletale patted Bug-Girl's shoulder in approval as they sedately drove away.

"Thanks, I just wish I could have thought of something else to say. I nearly died of embarrassment when the words started pouring out of my mouth."

"What, you didn't come up with those complements off the cuff? I'm disappointed." Alec drawled as he pulled of his mask and lounged indolently in his seat.

* * *

Amy slammed the door behind her as she stormed into the house, startling Mark, who was half-zoned out in front of the TV. He looked up as Amy dropped to the couch and buried her head in her hands.

"Long day, kiddo?" Mark offered tentatively, as Amy pulled herself even more into a ball and screamed into her legs.

Vicky came through the door then, carefully closing it behind her. "She's upset that the bank was robbed while she was there, and not only could she not do anything, but one of the villains flirted with her."

Mark blinked. "A flirty villain? Wow, I haven't had to deal with one of those in a while. Sarah used to have a few persistent ones, but as far as I know they're all retired or in jail."

Both girls gave him an incredulous look as he shrugged. "It's a thing. So, what did this particular bank-robber do? Poetry? Roses? Promise to install you as the ruler of a moderate-sized island nation?" The incredulous looks didn't stop. "Yes, there really is a standing offer for your aunt Sarah to rule the Azores as a queen. But enough about old news. What happened?"

Shaking her head to try and block out the bizarreness that Mark had raised, Amy explained "This bug-girl, the new member of the Undersiders, caught me trying to text Vicky, and waxed poetic about me, saying something about 'a face that makes a hundred promises, and a body that stands behind each one.' It was really embarrassing, and before I could shake it off, I was locked in an office until the police got there."

Vicky giggled as Mark shook his head for a moment, before furrowing his brow. "Was it 'A face that makes a thousand promises, and a body that stands behind each promise?'"

"I guess that sounds right." Amy looked puzzled when Mark started chuckling as he grabbed a laptop. Typing quickly, he brought up a video clip.

Amy and Victoria stared in shock as the girl danced around the stage before turning to Mark.

"It's from a Sondheim musical, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I hadn't thought about it in years, but I guess it is your name."

"Tell me you didn't choose my cape name from a prostitute in a musical comedy!" wailed Amy.

"As I said, I hadn't thought about it for years, and I don't know that Carol's even seen it. This is just a coincidence." Assured Mark. "And besides, she's not a prostitute, she's a slave girl."

Amy's scream seemed to imply that the thought didn't comfort her.

* * *

Taylor sat across from Lisa at the table in the Undersider's lair. Brian was getting celebratory pizza, Rachel was grooming her dogs, and Alec had installed himself in front of the TV once again. Lisa gave Taylor a knowing look.

"You're absolutely correct about your theory, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't share it with the rest of the class. They all have different circumstances for being here, and probably wouldn't back a play against the boss."

"Unlike you? You didn't have to give me those plans, you want him to fail, and badly. So why are you still working for him, Lisa?"

The blond gave Taylor an inscrutable look. "Let's say it's complicated, and revisit it some other time. For now, we toast to your impeccable planning." They clinked their mugs together, and Lisa smiled her fox-like grin. "And your taste in ladies."

Lisa's laughter rang through the room as Taylor let her head drop on the table.

* * *

Coil sat simmering in anger in his opulent underground office. The grab on the precog went badly, and he'd had to drop the timeline to prevent further complications in getting her later. He couldn't believe that his planned distraction had flopped. It shouldn't be possible to quietly rob a bank in broad daylight, especially not with a member of New Wave there! But they'd managed, and now he owed them sixty thousand dollars for a failed diversion! And he couldn't even complain, because HE HADN'T TOLD THEM IT WAS A DIVERSION!

* * *

AN: Ever since I started reading Worm and Worm fanfiction, the concept of someone quoting "A Funny Thing" to Amy has been on my mind. Combine that with Taylor being more together, and Lisa wanting to screw up Coil's plans without getting caught, and you have this.


	2. What's in a name?

So, I went back and fixed Taylor's name in the first part, after some inspiration came to me.

* * *

Taylor slammed the door behind her as she stormed up the stairs, making as much noise doing so as a slimly built young woman possibly could. When she got into the room at the top, she threw herself down on the couch, grabbed her head in her hands, and let out a strangled scream of pure hatred.

"Been trolling PHO boards, dork?" Alec hadn't even bothered putting down the controller when he asked, let alone looking at her.

"I want to peel his flesh from his bones, slowly, and make every troll on that damn site watch. With a sign saying 'You're next, fuckheads.'"

That did manage to get Alec to pause the game, and he slowly turned to look at her. "That's vicious, cruel, and somewhat disturbing. I LIKE this version of you."

The look Taylor gave Alec could best be described as 'uncomfortably appreciative', but before she could expand on that, the door at the bottom of the stairs opened, and Brian came up.

"Taylor? Are you ok? I called out to you when I saw you running over here, but you didn't stop. Is everything alright?" Brian, unlike Alec, understood sympathy. He wasn't necessarily good at it, but he at least tried.

"Brian. Tell me we have a job where we can run into the Wards." Brian shivered slightly at Taylor's flat tone and cold look.

"Um, we generally try to stay away from the Protectorate and the PRT, including the junior league, and -"

Taylor interrupted, not speaking any louder, but with her words carrying an almost tangible weight.

"Tell. Me. We. Will. Fight. The. Wards."

Brian leaned back involuntarily, the normally somewhat shy girl suddenly seeming terrifying. Possibly because of the very agitated insects buzzing in every corner.

Turning to the now giggling maniac on the couch, Brian sought more information.

"Alec, what's going on?" The younger boy nearly fell from his seat laughing, before gaining control of himself.

"So, the bank job was being discussed on PHO, and people kept trying to come up with a name for our dear bug here," he paused to indicate an slowly smoldering Taylor "and Clockblocker, having read the reports of her flattering Panacea, suggested Lovebug!" Alec started to laugh again. "And so far, it's stuck!"

Brian slowly turned back to Taylor, noticing that her face was completely devoid of emotion. Not a frown, not clenched teeth, not a twitch of a single muscle. The insects in the lair, on the other hand, had started doing military drills, with extreme precision and frightening noise. Brian wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but he felt it wasn't a good thing.

"Um, I think that Lisa was talking about doing something higher profile soon. I'm sure she could figure out the Ward patrol schedule, and..."

Brain's voice trailed off at the unholy expression of glee that crossed Taylor's face at that moment. He decided that he was going to delegate dealing with the new girl to Lisa from now on.

* * *

Taylor was sitting comfortably with a calming cup of tea when Lisa slid into the chair next to her. Taylor had an idle thought that the kitchen table in the lair seemed to be where she and Lisa did all their best plotting.

"I agree, we do seem to have our best plans here, which is one of the reasons I joined you." Lisa took a sip of the high-octane rocket fuel she called coffee. "You have two straightforward choices about your name. First off, you go with it. It may be embarrassing, but people will underestimate you, and you could cultivate a personality not unlike the Mouse Protector. It would be disarming, and help with the heroing you still want to do." Taylor looked taken aback at that statement, but Lisa continued. "You clearly want to be a hero, you come up with plans that reduce casualties, and even danger overall, and, well, we met when you attacked one of the most dangerous capes in the world to protect a group of strangers. I admit, you could probably turn us over to the PRT for serious credit, but you're probably beginning to wonder if you have it in you to manage that kind of betrayal." Taylor shunted her emotions to her swarm, but while that allowed her to keep a poker face, it did nothing to prevent any insects in the lair from going crazy.

Lisa smiled, not her vulpine 'I-know-something-you-don't' grin, but a warm, tired smile. "I trust you, Taylor. I know you don't trust me yet, even if you like me, but I'm patient. It'll come in time. Now, your SECOND choice with your name is your revenge plan. Find Clockblocker, and yes, I can hack the PRT and get the Ward's patrol schedule, and make him regret his so-called 'sense of humor'. You add some interesting dimensions to most plans, so we can figure out a crime in his patrol area, his likely response time, and prepare something oh-so-appropriate." Lisa leaned over and grabbed Taylor's hand. "Think this through carefully, though. If you take the second option, you're burning any future ties to the Protectorate, at least locally."

Taylor stared at the table for a long moment before looking up at Lisa...

* * *

So, I'm going to continue the story. I know this is short, but it lets me take a bit longer to choose which direction to go.


	3. Tragedy Tomorrow

Audience feedback implies everyone is interested in a more lighthearted version of the story, so that's what you'll get. The world is still dark, but not as grimdark as the source material, and the reasons why will be explained as we go - at least some of them. I have a file with the details backed up so I won't forget what they are.

And now, with no further ado, chapter 3

* * *

While Chris was one of his best friends, Dennis had to admit he didn't particularly enjoy patrolling with Kid Win. With Vista, getting around was a snap. Gallant was at least limited to the same mobility as he was, just like Triumph before he moved up to the big leagues. The less said about Shadow Stalker, the better. But patrolling with either of the two flying members of the team was a bore. Aegis, at least, couldn't help it. Flying was part of his powers, and he never made a big thing about it. Kid Win, on the other hand, had built his hoverboard himself, and could have easily made it big enough for two to fit comfortably. And he talked about how awesome flying was all the time!

Tonight, Kid Win was chatting about his latest invention, some sort of Alternator Cannon that he was hoping to finish in time for Miss Militia to take it with her to the next Terror fight. Of course, underage heroes hadn't been allowed to attend them for more than a decade, even before Behemoth was defeated for good. But there were bonuses for managing to damage one of them, which led to Chris spending all of his free time working on his oversized, over-complicated gun.

As Dennis tried to seem enthusiastic over the technical details of his friend new weapon, their comms crackled to life.

"Clockblocker, Kid Win, a silent alarm has just gone off at Princess Cut Jewelers, two blocks from your position. The silent alarm is their second layer of security, so whoever's doing this noticed and disarmed the first layer. Control wants the two of you to recon the situation, but do not engage at this time." While their fearless leader may have been a bit stiff, he was actually pretty good on console, giving his teammates the best information possible. Of course, he still urged caution to an excessive degree, in Dennis' opinion, but it was better than the reckless indifference of Shadow Stalker.

"Roger, console, we are en route." When he first started patrolling, Dennis had joked over the comms, trying to make things more fun. He'd been lectured separately by Triumph, Armsmaster and Director Piggot, and stuck on console for a month, and he'd had to give a thirty-minute presentation on proper comms etiquette to the rest of the Wards. They followed that up with a threat to make him do all of the paperwork his shenanigans generated, and have to do it over *from scratch* if any errors were caught in proofreading. Needless to say, he'd only used approved protocol since then. Luckily, they couldn't stop him from joking around in person.

"Hey Kid Win, who do you think it is? Circus? There aren't a lot of jewel thieves in town, after all. And I've got some new big top material I've been working on."

Dennis could hear Kid Win sigh as they made their way over to the store in question. "You know, if you spent half as much time studying for school as you did working on your humor, you'd be top of the class."

Dennis scoffed. "Yeah, but where's the fun in that? I mean-"

Dennis was interrupted as his best friend gurgled and fell backwards off his hoverboard.

* * *

Chris had his scanners focused towards the store as they moved along, alert, but not terribly worried. Neither the E88 nor the ABB were known for subtle break-ins, and the Merchants didn't even know what subtle meant. That meant whoever this was was unlikely to be either violent, or willing to face down the Protectorate. Or in this case, the Wards.

Chris' scanners were unique in that they didn't show distances in miles, meters or even furlongs. Dealing with discalcula meant having to use work-arounds. For example, he was currently half a football field away from the store. Heat signatures were coming up on the readout, and there were a bunch of them, certainly more than expected, and some of them were huge! He was about to share this on comms when he was hit in the face with a mass of bugs. His visor protected his eyes, but his mouth had been open, making him cough and gag, and take a step back.

Off his hoverboard.

He would have screamed as he fell, but he still had bugs in his throat, and all that escaped was a strangled wet noise. He screwed up his eyes and tried to focus and brace for impact, but he was shaken out of it as a set of enormous jaws closed around him. For a second, he though he was dog food, but then he realized, he wasn't being snacked on - he had been caught like a thrown stick, and was being fetched. Coughing a few more times cleared the bugs out of his mouth, and he cursed that his arms were trapped. Chris didn't have much time to worry before he was dropped to the ground in a slobbery mess. Before he could stand, or grab his pistols, a loud whistle sounded, and...

...and he was pinned to the ground by a giant doggy butt.

Chris blinked, trying to make sense of it. No, he was still trapped beneath a massive dog-creature, who was, he guessed, quite happily sitting on him.

Chris was so caught up in not believing what was happening that he didn't register someone playing with his mask at first. He struggled and tried to twist away, but the blond villain (was it Motormouth? He needed to brush up on the Undersiders, unless there was ANOTHER group in town with giant dogs)managed to hold him in place and pulled a cable out of her pocket.

"Relax, Kid Win, no unmasking today. I just want a copy of your helmet camera feed."

Wait, how did she know he had a helmet camera?

"The same way I knew you two would be on patrol in the area today."

Was she reading his mind?

"Yep. I'm psychic."

There's no such thing as human psychics!

"That's what everyone thinks. Anyway, I'm in. You can relax. But keep looking over there."

Chris realized that his head, and therefore his camera, was pointed towards Dennis, who was squaring off against...Lovebug?

* * *

Dennis was slightly relieved when Kid Win was dropped by the giant dog, but less so when it sat on him. On the one hand, it was kind of hilarious. On the other hand, it was now just him against the Undersiders.

"Alright, I realize this is a tense situation, but if you let Kid Win up, I'll let you four off with a warning." It was a poor bluff, but Dennis was more interested in trying to figure out where the rest of the villains were, rather than expecting them to go for it.

"_There. Are. Five. Of. Uzzzzzzzz._" rasped out a horrifying buzz of a voice. Dennis looked over to see a humanoid mass of bugs approaching him. Even as terror shot through his body, he was in motion, deploying the latest trick Chris had designed for him. It was nothing more than a simple, thin, lightweight piece of cloth, spring-loaded to eject and expand very quickly, but to Clockblocker, it was portable cover. It could deploy in less than a second, and the handle on it slid into his hand as it did, making it trivial to freeze. He did so, making solid cover between him and the insects before pulling his hand loose and quickly stepping back, hands in front of him, ready to strike.

This left him completely unprepared for a loop of rope to drop over him, swiftly tightening and pinning his hands to his front. Two more loops quickly followed as he was kicked in the back of the knee, dropping him to the ground.

A pointy knee planted itself in the middle of his back, and he craned his neck to see Lovebug was crouching over him. It occurred to Dennis, perhaps too late, that mocking someone you've never met who has a potentially *very* creepy power might not have been the brightest of ideas. She did something at the edge of his vision, and he saw she had a dark, pointy object in her hand, an object that was moving towards his face.

In a low voice, Lovebug began to chant: "Something appealing? Something appalling. Something...for everyone."

Dennis cringed as the object touched his face and...started making a squeaking noise? Wait, what? She was DRAWING on his face? It's a marker?

Lovebug stepped back, capping the marker. "A comedy, tonight. I'm not an amorous villain, Clockblocker, I'm a theatrical one, with a penchant for old movies. And don't worry about the rope, you can keep it as a souvenir."

Dennis watched as the Undersiders mounted the monster dogs with their loot, waved, and rode off.

Kid Win picked himself up and stretched, apparently stiff from being stuck underneath a dog the size of a city bus. He walked over to Dennis, serious at first, but suddenly stopped and tried to suppress his laughter.

Dennis closed his eyes and banged his head on the ground. "What did she write?"

Kid Win took a breath to calm himself. "It says 'Sorry Clock, but you're not my type.' And she drew a pair of lips, and signed it 'Cicada'. I've got to hand it to you, you're really good at getting a girl's attention. You should work on what kind of attention, though."

Dennis kept banging his head on the ground. "Please tell me you can remove this?"

Kid Win shrugged. "Probably, unless it's a tinkertech marker. But they took a video of the whole thing, so I'd bet on it showing up on PHO before long."

The sound of Clockblocker's cries of anguish echoed through the night.

* * *

AN: So, thanks for reading. I've made some in-universe changes, thanks to some of my more imaginative readers, de-escalating the danger level. There are no Endbringers, they're called Terrors, because they can be defeated. They're still terrifying (hence the name), but no-one believes they will cause the end of the world.

There was originally more exposition on them here, but it didn't flow. I might give Taylor a homework assignment mentioning them if people are really curious.

No, Taylor isn't a secret rodeo champion. She had the lasso in hand, snuck up behind the distracted Clockblocker, and just dropped the loop over him.

eluviancamaris: Glad I could provide some inspiration.

TheCentauress: Sorry.

Todor: I totally did that. What I *didn't* do was hit the Save Changes button after.

Kaiya Azure: I am also not sure why that's all you can think of. Hope you enjoyed it.

mercva: That's totally unrealistic. I can't imagine Aegis having that much of a sense of humor. ;)

Greatazuredragon, Baked the Author, ChronoBlade, jairoesme, 1, Sorrow, Mike, erik: Thanks.


	4. Meanwhile

Meanwhile...

-ooo-

Coil

'It's infuriating,' the masked man thought, 'having clever subordinates. This time, I explicitly told my Tattletale that I wanted a distraction. She told me the plan, the timing, everything. And I approved. Because I only found out afterward that the Mayor had a family dinner tonight, which included his sister and her family, so little Dinah is too well defended.'

'I don't actually believe that my Tattletale knows of my plans. She almost certainly didn't plan for things to go awry in this manner.'

'However, I'll still be taking my frustrations out on her. She's hiding something, holding back. Or perhaps not. Regardless, she still needs to be reminded of her place.'

Hidden behind his mask, a smile grew on his face as he told Mr. Pitter to prepare the playroom.

-ooo-

Amy

Sitting alone at the dining room table moping was not something Amy usually indulged in, but tonight it felt appropriate. She was working up to a fine brood when Vicky flounced in, absolutely shattering the mood.

Amy turned and looked at her sister, feeling the welcoming aura sweep over her. Her bad mood melted away in her sister's warm glow.

"Hey Vicky. I thought you were out with Dean tonight?"

The blond pulled a pouty face as she grabbed a soda from the fridge. "Vista got called home for an emergency, so he's on patrol with Shadow Stalker. Which means instead of eating filet mignon at Chez Pierre's, I'm snacking on leftover mac and cheese. But at least I still have excellent company!" A barely perceptible blush crossed Amy's face at that remark, but Vicky wasn't finished.

"You seemed unhappy when I came in. What's up?"

Amy's smile slipped a few degrees as her earlier thoughts came back. "I was thinking about the whole situation with Bug-Girl, or whatever her name is. I don't feel all that great about a villain flirting with me, especially after talking with Crystal."

Vicky furrowed her brow at that. "Our cousin Crystal? What could she have said that gets to you like this?"

Giving her sister a somewhat sickly smile, Amy continued. "Apparently, aunt Sarah and uncle Neil's yearly vacation without her and Eric is to Portugal." At Vicky's puzzled look, she continued. "The Azores are part of Portugal."

The confused look stayed on Vicky's face for a moment before she recalled the conversation with her father, and it was rapidly replaced by one of revulsion.

"Oh Ick! That's just wrong! Ewwww! You mean, she, with a villain, AND uncle Neil?"

Amy nodded. "That's only part of my worry. What if Bug-Girl is like that as well? I don't want to have some bizarre courtship where I'm chased by a villain who recites lines from old musicals at me! That's creepy! And Carol will freak out! You KNOW how she gets about villains!"

Amy's former broodiness had graduated into the early stages of panic, and she leapt up and started pacing. Her sister intercepted her, and pulled Amy into a hug, smothering her panic. Vicky's aura radiated reassurance.

"Look, Ames, don't worry about, uh, Bug-Girl. I'll take care of her if she starts creeping on you. I mean, come on! What good are bugs against super strength and invulnerability? If you see her again, you'll tell her no means no, and if she doesn't respect that, I'll break her legs!"

Amy smiled into Vicky's shoulder. "Thanks. I guess I just built it all up in my head after talking to Crystal. I guess I'm being kindof silly, right?"

The two sisters stood there hugging for a long moment before Amy let go. "Thanks, Vicky, I needed that."

"No problem, Ames. What are sisters for?"

Once again, a light blush just barely touched Amy's cheeks. Refusing to voice her thought, something else came to mind.

"Why'd you stutter over Bug-Girl's name, anyhow?"

Vicky pulled her face into a grimace. "Um, you don't spend a lot of time on PHO, do you?"

Amy frowned at that. "You know I don't. Why, am I being shipped with her? You know that's all ridiculous. I mean, they've shipped Armsmaster with his halberd, for crying out loud!"

"Nnnooo, it's not that. Bug-Girl has an official name now, thanks to Clockblocker."

Amy felt a cold chill run down her back. "What did he do?"

Vicky hesitated, before forging ahead. "He named her Lovebug."

Once again, the quiet neighborhood was invaded by a heartfelt scream from the world's foremost healer, and once again, thoughts of vengeance were directed towards a certain time-themed Ward.

-ooo-

Somewhere in ABB territory

A man in a horned demon mask made his way into a spacious, if cluttered, lab. He had once been a dynamic individual, willing to take initiative, but years of being a subordinate, alongside the mental degradation caused by his power, had robbed him of all but the last bit of his free will. Now he needed orders. Normally from Lung, but without Lung here, he deferred to her.

The individual in question was stitching up the back of someone's neck. It didn't matter who or why to the man in the demon mask. Once, it would have. but now, he just stood, and waited.

The woman finished her stitches and shouted at the person on the table, who staggered out. They were probably in pain, and might have been crying. The man in the demon mask didn't even notice as he continued to wait.

The woman eventually turned to him. Gave him a pair of cross-belts. And told him to go to the Rig and get Lung. She used more words, but they washed over him like so much noise, all meaningless. The man in the demon mask didn't need all those words. They were as irrelevant as his name.

The woman had called to others, and pulled on her mask, but the man in the demon mask no longer cared. He had orders. Orders led to purpose. And purpose led to action.

A quick tug on his vest made sure everything was secure, and he crumbled to ash.

-ooo-

AN: A bit of a quick chapter to get others in place, and then onto an action sequence.

jairoesme: A prank war? What kind of characters do you think I'm writing here?

*aside* Yeah, that's a pretty perceptive comment, actually.

japs.p9: Hope fulfilled.

eluviancamaris: I went to the Internets to prove you were wrong about Worm not being Grimdark, and came back a more educated person. Nobledark it is.  
As for Tayblocker, I think that ship has sailed. Dennis is somewhat horrified and mortified by their last encounter, and even his boundless ego has limits.

Kaiya Azure: Glad you liked it. But why would Amy be relieved? Clockblocker isn't Cicada's type. There was no mention of Panacea. In fact, as Panacea is very different from him, perhaps she is EXACTLY Cicada's type. As for the name similarity, Taylor's planning on ambushing a certain martial villain and explaining that white supremacists don't get to appropriate insect names.  
And who says they didn't take pictures of Kid Win trapped under a dog? Regent was there, if not mentioned, and probably has a camera. That just wasn't anyone's focus at the time. As for Tattletale blabbing, this is the girl who mouthed off to Jack Slash, remember. She's never been good at knowing when to stop talking.

Piggyslayer1235: Thank you, but dickbutt? You're in the wrong part of the internet for that.


	5. Not Quite as Funny

Once again, we find our heroes neck-deep in quips and *checks notes* muffled screams? Man, I need a new theme here.

-ooo-

Cicada sat behind Regent as the monstrous dogs ran, leaving the humiliated Wards behind them. She admitted to herself that while her revenge was not as bloody as she had planned, the fact that it was embarrassing AND will end up being public should make up for it. Tattletale had helped her get a verified PHO account, and she'd be posting the video, as Cicada, as soon as they got back to the lair. She'd seen Regent snickering and taking pictures of Kid Win under the dog, so she assumed he'd got some of her as well. Of course, knowing him, he'd likely try to embarrass her as well when he posted them.

...considering he did his part to take down Kid Win by stepping him off his board, and made Clockblocker's leg spasm, helping knock him down, she'd give it a pass. This time.

Cicada was shaken from her thoughts by an explosion going off nearby, swiftly followed by two more.

Grue pulled his mount to a halt and looked over at Tattletale. Her absolutely bullshit power enabled her to read the question on his face, twenty feet away and behind a motorcycle helmet.

"It's the ABB, specifically their new bomb tinker. She's planning on springing Lung, though if she runs into us, she'll be happy to demonstrate her creations up close and personal. We should head south, away from ABB territory, and loop back around to our base."

"We can't." Everyone turned to look at Cicada, and she felt a blush grow along her cheeks once again. "We've left two tied-up Wards behind us, and if they die, we'll get blamed. I assume you didn't wipe Kid Win's helmet cam?"

Tattletale shook her head. "No, I just copied it and installed a trojan. I'll be able to piggyback his signal in the future, at least temporarily, but I can't delete anything from here."

Grue shifted on his dog. "We'll head south. They weren't stuck in containment foam or anything, so they should be loose by now, and have already called for backup. I'm not willing to risk ourselves for them. Let's go!"

Before Cicada could object, the dogs wheeled about and started to run away from the bombs, and from their lair. They made it three blocks before coming face to face with four red-and-green jeeps, full of unhappy Asians.

"Oh shit." Tattletale whispered as the ABB gangers turned their guns towards the Undersiders. Bitch whistled, trying to get her dogs in motion, even as Grue started pushing out his darkness. But it was Regent who pulled off a win, making the mook holding a grenade fumble it. Everyone froze for a second as it bounced, the pin falling next to it, and the spoon flying off, before bursting into action.

The Christmas-color clad criminals dove for cover, even as the dogs surged back into motion. The Undersiders managed to clear the cars and put some distance between them and the gang before the explosion went off, not with a bang, but the sound of a thousand buckets of water being emptied on the sidewalk. Cicada risked a look back and saw a cloud of green smoke covering the jeeps, and the men inside the cloud were clutching their faces and melting. She looked away and tried to keep from throwing up.

"Bakuda hacked the Ward's com signal! She was tracking them, and knew where we were! She's nearby, gunning for us, we need to go-"

Tattletale was abruptly cut off as the road in front of the dogs exploded, sending the teen criminals flying. Cicada landed hard, and only just remembered to roll like Grue had taught her, keeping her from broken bones, if not bruises and pain.

She shook her head, trying to clear it, and forced her arms to push her up. With a mad bomber nearby, there was no time to lay around. Suppressing a groan, she forced herself to her feet, nearly falling over again from the near body-wide ache.

'I'm completely impervious to physical pain. Just not my own.' She paraphrased in her head. Cicada shook it again, trying to bring things into focus.

It worked. Unfortunately, this was not an improvement.

The dog-lizards were down, whimpering, but hopefully not dead. She couldn't see Bitch or Grue, but Regent was trying to break a man's foot with his stomach, and Tattletale was on her knees with a gun to her head. There was a figure in a gas mask and a trench coat standing in the back of a jeep gesturing with a grenade. Cicada guessed that must be Bakuda herself.

The good news was that no-one had noticed her. The bad news was that she had likely been overlooked because no-one wanted to root through wet trash.

With that thought, Cicada's sense of smell returned, and she nearly vomited. The smell was horrific, and she had a terrible suspicion that it was going to stick to her. Taking shallow breaths through her mouth, she took stock of the situation. She was well armed, at least. There were millions of bugs around, thanks to the mounds of refuse. She needed to find a way to get the bomb bitch without getting, y'know, exploded. Or getting the rest of the Undersiders blown up, either.

The showy bitch loves the spotlight. She was literally directly underneath a streetlight so everyone could see her. Of course, she was also holding a grenade, so getting close to her was a bad idea, but she made a great target.

...A terrible idea occurred to Cicada as she felt the moths fluttering around the streetlight. And the roaches crawling up the fire escape right above her.

-ooo-

Taylor felt like her lungs were going to leap out of her throat in protest, leading a revolt consisting of most of her muscles, and somehow, improbably, her bones and kidneys as well. But she'd made it to the roof. She staggered over to the edge, and saw that Regent was lying on the pavement, not moving, but she thought he was still breathing. She didn't let the phrase 'wishful thinking' cross her mind. Tattletale had her eyes closed and her lips moving, the gun barrel still pressed to her forehead. Cicada assumed she was talking, but she couldn't really make anything out.

She pulled out her second silk rope, nearly gossamer light, and hoped her research was right about how strong it was. Clumsily, she fashioned the end into a loop, and handed it to several dozen moths. Wrapping the other end around her left hand several times, she took a good grip and send her bugs into action.

At street level, the roaches and flies from the alley started to kick up a massive noise as they streamed out into the street. Bakuda turned to look, pulling the pin from the grenade as she did. She raised her hand up to throw, and the moths holding the loop of rope flew down, dropping the loop over her arm.

Before Bakuda could react, or she herself could think this through, Cicada jumped off the edge. The rope, which had been passed over the arm of the streetlight, snapped tight as she fell.

The human shoulder can be strong, but the unprepared muscles in Bakuda's shoulder pulled free with a sickening noise, dislocating and half-separating as more than 100 pounds of terrified parahuman falling at 9.8 meters per second squared yanked on it. Bakuda's weight was insufficient to keep her on the ground, and she went flying off the jeep, the grenade flying out of her slack grip.

Taylor hit the ground hard, her ankles and knees filled with renewed strain from the fall. She lost her grip on the rope as she hit, sending the bomb tinker back down to the ground with a crack of broken bones.

"Cicada! If she dies, everything explodes!" Those were the first words she'd been able to make sense of since the explosion, and they didn't fill her with joy. She saw the bouncing grenade, the one dropped by Bakuda as she was jerked into the air, far too close to the annoying bitch with the explosives fetish for her to survive. Promising herself she'd pass out after this, she half dove, half fell across the bomber, and prayed that they'd both make it through this.

The explosion was loud, but it didn't feel like an explosion. Cicada felt someone punch her thigh and her back, and then something like thick, humid air roll over her, with a cloying, sickly scent, overwhelming her Eau-de-poubel for a moment.

Then her senses caught up with her, and she choked on a scream. She rolled onto her side and tried to go fetal as the pain from the fragments in her back and leg hit. She couldn't even breathe, it hurt so bad. She was locked in a rictus of agony, and her brain didn't have the decency to pass out.

-ooo-

Lisa saw Grue and Bitch run out from where they'd been hiding to help. She waved them back.

"It's a bio-weapon! Take Regent and go! NOW!" Grue hesitated, staring at her.

"DO IT!" she screamed, jolting him into action. He grabbed the smaller boy and hauled him onto Angelica, the only dog well enough to carry, and the three of them rode off.

Lisa ran over to Cicada and Bakuda [Alice Chen, half-Japanese, born in Boston, the Cornell Bomber, bomb location and type in HUD in mask, secondary detonator on toe rings on left foot], and ripped the mask off the psycho, tossing it away. She quickly pulled off her boot as well, possibly [definitely] breaking her ankle, and carefully removed the toe rings and the associated wiring. She reached for Cicada's belt for zip-ties [second pouch on the left] and used most of them to truss her like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Urgency fading, she carefully slid Cicada's head into her lap, and delicately removed her mask. Pulling out her spare domino mask, she slipped it over Taylor's eyes, and gently stroked her hair.

"Keep breathing Tay, you're going to be alright. You did great, I'll handle it from here." She murmured in a low voice. She had no fear of being overheard, as the ABB had fled, and Bakuda was very much unconscious, lacking the sheer grit the girl she held in her lap had.

Taylor let out a sobbing breath, and tears started flowing down her face. The brunette's hands were clenched into fists so tightly she probably couldn't feel them, and she lay awkwardly on the ground, trying to keep her injured parts safe. Lisa's face was damp with blood and tears as well, so she suppressed her power, trying to let her friend have some privacy in her thoughts.

Still soothing the crying girl in her lap, Lisa pulled out her phone and dialed the PRT hotline from memory. She tapped seemingly random numbers for a few seconds until she got an actual person on the line.

Before they could say anything, she jumped in: "Bakuda is down, her bombs are active but not armed, the trigger device is safe and not within her reach. The bad news is that her last bomb was a viral bomb with an Ebola-Marburg hybrid. Send hazmat to Lord Street and Baltic, along with a multi-frequency scanner and Faraday cage for her trigger device. So far, only three people have been exposed, but you'll want Panacea at the hospital to prevent an outbreak."

There was a stunned silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before confirmation came back, along with an ETA.

Lisa put the phone down as red tears started dripping down her cheeks. She looked at Taylor, who's tears were staining her leotard.

"So, is this how's it's going to be? Things get a little rough and you're out of quips?"

"I must think calm comforting things. Butterfly wings. Emerald ring. Or a murmuring brook." Taylor softly retorted.

Lisa closed her blood-stained eyes as she heard sirens approaching. "I sit corrected."

-ooo-

AN: Ebola is a famous and terrifying disease, but Marburg is, in my opinion, just as scary. Although it's not anywhere near as lethal, it is air transmissible, rather than blood and water-born, meaning a cross between the two, with the worse qualities of both, would be a true horror.

I'm working on getting voices for various characters, so please don't hesitate to let me know if I'm succeeding.

jairoesme: I guess I didn't make it clear that Meanwhile happened at the same time as the preceding chapter. It should be more evident here, and I'll try to clarify that in the future.

sandmanwake: I suppose it would depend on Vicky's reaction, wouldn't it?

japs.p9: Thanks, this one is a bit longer.

Piggyslayer1235: And I appreciate that. Honestly, if I'd thought about it, I might have done Dickbutt, but I can't really see Taylor as a Reddit/Imgur fan. Thanks for reading.

Kaiya Azure: To be honest, I don't know either. This started as a one-shot, and it's growing without a lot of planning. And I promise, it wasn't spoilers, it was a joke. I'm not sure that Taylor knows who Cricket is at this point in time.

Peter: I like where your mind is at. I'm not going in that direction, but still, cool thought.

Baked the Author: Hope it lived up to your expectations. And while there's no Amy this time, she'll definitely be in the next chapter.

Draco Victorious: That was actually one of my criteria for doing this. And don't worry, angry Coil is one of my hobbies.

And to everyone else: Thanks for reading.


	6. Aftermath 1

Aftermath 1

-ooo-

"Good morning, Director."

"Let's skip the pleasantries, Armsmaster. What's the situation after last night?"

"Surprisingly good, Director. Lung is still incarcerated, Bakuda is in custody after Panacea decontaminated her, though she neglected to fix Bakuda's shoulder, and..."

"And Oni Lee?"

"Oni Lee ran afoul of the latest upgrade I'd been working on with Dragon, Director. He is dead, along with Trooper MacMillan, unfortunately. Trooper Andrews survived, and has been seen to."

"Latest upgrade? Are you telling me that you managed to get the teleport blocker up and running?"

"It's a somewhat qualified success, Director. The power draw is still too heavy for continuous use. According to Andrews' report..."

-ooo-

_Several Hours Earlier_

June Andrews was bored, but on guard duty, bored was good. She and Henry 'call me Hank' MacMillan were guarding the entrance to the Rig, a largely pointless job since they had a literal moat. Without the hard light bridge, the only way to gain access would be to fly or-

June's thought process was cut off as a man suddenly appeared in front of the one-way visibility doors leading to Brockton Bay. Before she could get a clear look at him, he re-appeared between her and Hank, grenade in hand. Even as she processed the demon mask and the bandoleer, her body was in motion, throwing herself to the side behind cover and grabbing her shoulder radio. She saw Hank hitting a button rather than taking cover, and then the explosion went off. She was frantically screaming into her radio as it did, not even conscious of what she was saying when she was deafened by the noise, and the sudden pain in her legs. She hit the ground hard, and scrabbled at her holster for her pistol, trying to get some defense ready for the follow up attack.

A moment passed, and then another, and the interior doors opened as backup streamed in. Two came over to her, one, Jones, put a hand on her shoulder.

"It's alright, it's over now. Medical is on the way, you'll be taken care of, you did fine. Keep looking at me, Andrews, focus, ok? You're going to be fine, it's over, alright?"

Jones' tactic for distracting her worked. She didn't even notice her feet were gone until she was moved onto a stretcher.

-ooo-

Director Piggot paused after hearing the report. "Is Panacea available to take care of Trooper Andrews? I realize we woke her in the middle of the night, but-"

Armsmaster raised his hand to interrupt. "I had Andrews moved to Brockton General, where the quarantine shelter is. Panacea has already seen to her, and regrown Andrews' feet. She'll stay at the hospital for a few days, getting used to a new set of limbs, but there's no lasting physical trauma.

"As a follow-up, I want official recognition for Trooper MacMillan's actions. He chose to activate the Teleport jammer instead of seeking cover, an action that cost him his life, but likely saved the lives of dozens of men and women in the Rig, as well as prevented Lung from breaking free."

Director Piggot nodded at Armsmaster's remarks. "Agreed. I'll push for a medal, but if the higher ups don't do it, I'll talk to the Mayor and arrange a state funeral myself." Armsmaster nodded.

"Backing up, how is it Oni Lee managed to teleport through the doors on the Rig? Doesn't he need line of sight?"

Armsmaster grimaced. "We can't tell for certain, because he blew himself up, but I suspect he had some sort of lenses in his mask that could see through our one-way polarization. I'll look into upgrading it with Kid Win today."

"Yes, Kid Win. He and Clockblocker had an eventful night, didn't they? Ambushed and embarrassed by the Undersiders, then involved in rounding up a number of the coerced ABB rioters, most of whom surrendered as soon as they heard that Bakuda couldn't trigger her explosives. She must have been planning this for weeks, for the number of people who've shown up with cranial bombs. It will certainly take weeks to sort them all out."

"Given the rate and difficulty of the surgery, and the assistance we're getting from out of state and the military, we expect the last bomb to be removed three weeks from now. It would be faster, if she hadn't booby-trapped them, which, luckily, we were told by one of the first people to surrender. And speaking of the military, they want her head, though General Eiling told me we are welcome to keep the rest of her. They are very unhappy about bioterrorism, as are the FBI, the NSA and the CDC, based on who has called me today."

Director Piggot made a sour face. "I'd love to hand her over, as my opinion on the subject mirrors theirs. But Director DeCosta-Brown has refused. In response, I've told everyone who has asked that it's her jurisdiction, and her decision, and given them her phone number. I suggest you do the same."

As Armsmaster nodded, she continued. "As for the Undersiders, what's the situation there?"

Armsmaster brought a hand to his helmet, looking like he was trying to massage his head. Director Piggot sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to like this story.

-ooo-

"Tay, still with me hon? I need you to do something, if you can." Lisa asked her friend as she typed something into her phone with one hand. Getting an affirmative moan back, she continued. "I'm not sure how transmissible this virus is between species, or how long-lived it is, but can you police the area for any bugs or other vermin that got exposed, and herd them nearby? It'll make containing it, and preventing an outbreak much easier."

The brunette spoke no words, but a cloud of insects quickly formed and landed nearby. There was the noise of a few scuffles, and several dead rats were dragged over as well. Lisa smiled, as emergency services was just arriving, and parking some distance away. Police started setting up a barricade, firefighters hooked up hoses, and EMTs waited.

It didn't take much longer for the Hazmat team to show up. They parked much closer, and the rear doors opened up, revealing a team in yellow Hazmat suits, carrying an assortment of bags and tools. The one in the lead had an obviously tinkertec scanner, and they were waving it about. As the team approached, the leader waved over to the pile of vermin, saying something that was muffled by the suit. One of the team, carrying a flame thrower, pointed it at the pile and incinerated it. Tattletale could actually smell the horrific scent of burning rat and garbage over Taylor's aroma of refuse. The bags were opened, and revealed bright red Hazmat suits, the first of which was offered to Tattletale. She shook her head.

"These two are injured, and I'm already exposed. I'll help suit them up, and then get dressed myself. But I'll need some sort of bandage, this one" she indicated Taylor, still in her lap, "has shrapnel sticking out. It'd tear the suit, but I don't want her to bleed out."

A quick consultation, followed by instruction in both extracting shrapnel and using tinkertec bandage spray, and Taylor was ready to get suited up. Tattletale grimaced, as the Hazmat team didn't have painkillers, but carefully maneuvered her friend into a red suit, noticing the word 'CONTAGIOUS' stenciled across both sides. She was much less careful with Bakuda, only checking to make sure that the bomber didn't have any sharp bits sticking out of her. Finally, she pulled on her own suit, feeling her fatigue, bruising, and general unwellness from the weaponized virus slowing her down. She was helped towards the Hazmat vehicle, noticing they sprayed the area with what had to be a powerful disinfectant before running the flamethrower over the ground. Everyone got sprayed with the same disinfectant before entering the vehicle, though luckily, the flamethrower seemed to be optional.

Leaning back and closing her eyes, Tattletale felt the strain of suppressing her power for so long, and tried to sleep, knowing the night was far from over.

-ooo-

Amy was sleeping restlessly, haunted by dreams of villains and bugs, when her door was thrown open, and the lights turned on. She flinched away, pulling her pillow over her head.

"Sorry, sis, no time to mess about. There's a biohazard emergency at BB General. Mom is on the phone with the PRT, but I don't think we can pass on this."

Amy shook her head, trying to focus, when one word made it through.

"Wait, BIOHAZARD? A biohazard EMERGENCY? They can only declare that for level 4 pathogens. What the hell happened?"

Vicky shrugged as she started getting changed, giving her sister an eyeful. "I heard it has something to do with the new ABB tinker, Bakuda, but that's all I got. I'm just transport in this case. Which, by the way, means you should get dressed."

Amy blinked, and staggered to the closet, grabbing her uniform.

-ooo-

Amy had sort of woken up by the time Vicky landed at the front doors of the hospital, though she was grateful that nurse McAvoy greeted her with a full coffee mug. As the caffeine hit, she looked over at Doctor Pauling for a briefing.

"The ABB tinker Bakuda managed to make a bomb with weaponized Ebola-Marburg. Hazmat cleaned the scene, but three people were exposed, including Bakuda. This disease is too dangerous to allow it to exists, so we're asking you to cure the three of them, and eradicate all traces of the virus."

Amy blinked. "Wait, she made Ebola-Marburg? Isn't that on the CDC list of nightmare fuel?"

Doctor Pauling scowled and nodded. "She not only made it, but she weaponized it, which is worse. We would actually appreciate if you don't heal her beyond curing the disease. She's currently unconscious, and we'd prefer she stay that way."

Amy shuddered. "I won't argue over that. Weaponized hemorrhagic fever could devastate the entire east coast, or worse if we couldn't quarantine airports fast enough. Who else was exposed? Civilians? First responders?"

The doctor shook her head. "No, a pair of villains, actually. Though the conscious one insists that they're rogues." She paused as they approached the quarantine corridor. "No-one beyond this point without proper containment clothing, or, in your case, immunity to disease. They shouldn't cause you any problems, but there is security suited up in the corridor just in case."

Amy nodded, and then gave Vicky a hug. "I'll be fine. See you in a few, sis."

Vicky watched her sister walk into the quarantine zone before turning around with a shiver. She hated feeling helpless, and situations like this really brought the feeling out.

"Has she already headed in?" a voice called out, pulling Vicky's attention. She looked up and paled as she saw her aunt walking towards her.

"Carol called after you two were on your way, asking me to come over so you wouldn't be stuck waiting alone. You alright, sweetie? You don't look so good."

Vicky just stared at her aunt Sarah, her father's stories running through her head.

-ooo-

The lights in the containment room were dim when Amy cleared the airlock. She reached out with her power and started sterilizing the air, wrinkling her nose at the horrific airborne virus. A quick glance around the room showed three figures.

"Bakuda's the one handcuffed to the bed without a mask. You should take care of her first, both to get it out of the way, and because the two of us are more than a little banged up from taking her down, and we'd really appreciate a tune-up." A low voice said.

Amy looked over at the speaker, seeing a masked blond sitting in a chair, her loose hair falling around her face. There was something familiar about her, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Passing it off as unimportant, Amy headed over to the tinker, her eyes flicking over the woman. She looked younger than expected, before Amy recalled she was the Cornell bomber, and hadn't graduated university yet. She reached out, her power instantly telling her what was wrong when she made contact.

"How did she end up with massive shoulder trauma? Her arm is barely attached, and that's not even mentioning her concussion." Amy destroyed all traces of the weaponized virus in the woman's system, before doing a patch job on the arm, just enough that it wasn't going to fall off. She absently noted the dislocated elbow and the rope burn on her wrist as well.

"For some reason, she didn't really want to stop blowing things up and get arrested. Her injuries are the result of her being persuaded." Amy almost smiled at the sardonic tone from the blond as she walked over to her. Up close, she noted the girl was wearing scrubs, like the other two, and noticed her green eyes. She still had the nagging feeling of familiarity, but was distracted by her extended hand.

"I give you permission to heal me. That's what you ask, right?"

Taking the extended hand, Amy smiled. "That's right. I appreciate well-informed patients." She once again started with the virus, then took a look at the blond's other injuries. Mainly a bad case of road rash, along with a ruptured eardrum and a cracked rib.

"So, did you do the convincing? You took a bit of a beating here." The blond smirked and shook her head as Amy started setting her to rights.

"No, my junior partner did the heavy lifting, literally. She lassoed Bakuda's wrist over a lamp post, and jumped off a three-story building, pulling her away from her goons, and taking her down."

Amy blinked and shot the last girl in the room an incredulous look. "She must be one heck of a brute if she pulled that off. I can't imagine doing something like that myself." Amy headed over to her, noting the curly dark hair that nagged at something in her mind.

"Yeaaaaah, not really. She's as fragile as you and me, and had already caught a piece of one of Bakuda's bombs. She just doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit'. Otherwise, quite literate, though."

As Amy grabbed the sleeping girl's hand, she looked back at the blond, and clearly unbelieving look on her face, one that quickly morphed into shock as her power informed her of the girl's condition.

"She has shrapnel wounds, extensive bruising and contusions, a broken ankle, a dislocated knee, she's strained her elbows and shoulders, has rope burn on her hands, and has three different infections on top of the bio-plague. What happened?"

"An explosion knocked her into a dumpster at high speeds, which probably didn't do her a lot of good. Consider yourself lucky that she got a decontamination shower before you showed up. I kept hoping my nose would stop working until they put us into our hazmat suits."

As Amy finished fixing the brunette up, she took a better look at her. She was tall and skinny, and while she didn't recognize the girl, she couldn't shake the feeling that she knew her, somehow. She turned the girl's hand over to make sure that she'd taken care of all of the rope burn when something about the girl's hand resting on hers triggered a memory.

With wide eyes, Amy turned back to the blond, who sighed and brushed her hair back from her face. "Dammit, I was hoping to get you out of here without you realizing it."

Amy's eyes snapped back to the brunette on the bed, who was just starting to wake up.

"You're LOVEBUG!"

-ooo-

AN:Sorry for the delay, it's been a busy few weeks. Not a lot of funny, but it's set up for Aftermath 2, which should hopefully be a return to comedic style.

A few people have commented that I don't seem to have a consistent tone with the story. This is true. I didn't plan it out, this was a one-shot that got so much interest, that I decided to expand it. I'm not sure where it's going, really. But I'm having fun getting there.

Kaiya Azure: You've seen what the PTB want for Bakuda's fate, as well as Taylor and Lisa getting healed. Right now, I'd have a hard time believing that Amy would go out of her way to help Taylor, though. Thank you for reviewing all the time, I really appreciate it.

The Shadow Mistress, Baked The Author, steamrick, Draco Victorious: Thank you.

Piggyslayer1235: Y'know, I can absolutely picture Cicada staring down Skidmark or someone and quipping "say hello to my little friends" before swarming him.

Blaze Stryker: Thank you, and I've been cross-posting there since the story started.

SeanHicks4: Thank you, and they aren't sandbagging, they are genuinely weaker. In the same paragraph in chapter 3 where I used the name Terrors, I also mentioned that Behemoth has been defeated for good.


	7. Aftermath 2

Lovebug let out an unhappy mumble as she rolled away from the noise, grabbing a pillow to pull over her ears as she did.

Amy blinked, not quite believing what she just saw. "Hey. HEY! You don't get to just ignore me!" She realized she wasn't being rational, but after all the sleep she'd lost over the past week, she didn't have a lot of patience, particularly since the source of so many of her worries was right in front of her.

"How about I field your questions for now, Amy? Or do you prefer Panacea?"

Amy turned and glared at the blond, though her glare lessened as she saw her face. No longer hidden by her hair, the streaks of blood from her eyes and nose were obvious, and she could see one that must have come from her ear run down all the way to the collar of her scrubs.

The blond, Tattletale, Amy recalled, raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't you start talking, and I'll go wash my face. I owe you for the whole 'saving-me-from-a-stupidly-lethal-disease', and I figure that's worth at least a few answers."

Matching actions to words, Tattletale got up and ducked into the tiny bathroom. Amy could hear the water running as she tried to get everything straight in her head.

"Start with the obvious ones and work your way out from there. It's not like we can leave until you give us the all-clear in here anyhow." Tattletale's voice came from the bathroom, and she followed it out, wiping her hands and face with a towel that she threw in the garbage on her way back to her chair.

"Um, ok, how about why bank robbing? Aside from being cliche, isn't it not worth it? How much cash can they possibly have on site?" Amy threw out the question as she started thinking about what she wanted to know.

Tattletale shrugged. "My cut was over 25 grand for less than an hour's work, plus about three days prep time. NEPEA-5 makes it hard to find legitimate work, and I'd rather take federally insured money than pickpocket from random people on the street. Which is what I was doing before I joined the Undersiders."

Amy gave an absent nod as she thought about what to ask next. She opened her mouth and then paused, staring straight at the blond. Tattletale raised an eyebrow and twisted her mouth into a sardonic grin.

"You're distracting me! AGAIN! I don't care about your life's story, I want answers! From YOU!" As she raised her voice, Amy strode over to the bed and yanked the pillow away from Lovebug. The brunette tried to curl into a ball, but Amy was having none of it. She dragged the girl up so she was sitting on the bed.

"I've been having NIGHTMARES about being carried off and made into some sort of villain pleasure slave for a WEEK! I don't care how you feel! You're not even hurting anymore, I fixed everything! So TALK!"

Lovebug moaned and dropper her face into her hands as Tattletale snickered from behind Amy. The healer was about to turn and shout at the obnoxious blond when Lovebug threw herself back onto the bed.

"I was just trying to distract you! I didn't want to deal with Glory Girl flying to the rescue! None of us have anything that could so much as muss her hair! And my dad always made us watch old movies, and the name thing popped into my head, andIwasntflirting!"

The bug villainess kept talking faster and faster, until the last few words shot out of her mouth as one jumbled mess, her face warming to a rosy hue.

"What." The flat 'what' is an understated skill. Properly used, it can not only hint at terrifying menace, but also destroy any resolve in a target. And while Amy Dallon was not yet a master, she did have a superb natural talent.

She advanced on the hapless Lovebug, filled with righteous anger. "Are you telling me that you managed to cost me a week's sleep, mess up my family dynamic, and make me question my sexuality as. A. Distraction?" At this point, Amy was straddling the lanky brunette, gripping her shirt in her white-knuckled fists, her face only inches away from the blood-encrusted blush on Lovebug's.

The girl below her peered through slitted eyelids as she tried to flinch back, and nodded. Amy growled, but before she could do any more, she was interrupted by a wolf-whistle. She turned back to Tattletale, murder in her eyes, only to realize the blond was doing everything in her power not to fall out of her chair laughing!

"Now THIS is a show! *gasp* I wish I *giggle* had popcorn to go with it! *snort* No, don't stop! *giggle* I wish I *gasp* had a handful of singles!"

Puzzled, Amy turned back, only to find herself literally nose-to-nose with a suddenly pale Lovebug. She stared into her wide, grey eyes for a moment, before letting out a squawk and pushing herself away. This, of course, resulted in Amy falling off the bed, and hitting the floor with a thump, as Lovebug was pushed further into the thin mattress.

"Ow." both Lovebug and Amy spoke simultaneously, causing Amy to look up at the bed with a glare.

"Before you murder my partner in undoubtedly horrific ways, you may want to consider two things."

Amy turned her glare towards the obnoxious blond. "And what would that be?"

"First, your moment of oversharing aside, isn't it better that you didn't get caught in the middle of a massive cape battle that had the potential to not only wreck the bank, but only had to deal with being mildly embarrassed and trapped in an office for ten minutes? Would you really have preferred your sister, who has a well deserved reputation for, shall we say, collateral damage? show up and possibly bring the whole building down?"

Amy's glare lost a degree of heat. "She threatened everyone in the bank with lethal poison."

"No I didn't." Came a voice from the bed.

"I am an expert on poisons, as well as infectious diseases, and I'm absolutely certain that black widow venom is lethal." Amy replied dryly.

"I milked them beforehand. I wanted a credible threat, but no accidents."

Amy's jaw dropped. "You can't _milk spiders for venom_! That's impossible!"

The blond chimed in. "Powers are bullshit. Are you ready for the second thing?"

"The-what-just go ahead." Amy felt the beginnings of a headache building.

"Her name is Cicada, not Lovebug. Ask Clockblocker if you don't believe me."

"...what does that have to do with anything?"

The obnoxious blond with the obnoxious grin gave a very obnoxious shrug. "Not much, you were just using the wrong name, and I felt it important you know better."

Standing up, the blond pulled Cicada off of the bed, and pushed her toward the washroom before extending her hand to Amy. Amy gave her a long look, before taking the offered hand and pulling herself up. She kept her grip for a long moment, trying to unnerve the girl, but her green eyes never even twitched. Amy let go and stepped away, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Sorry for giving you a hard time. I really was hoping we'd manage to get done before you realized who we were. Stressing you out, while entertaining, isn't on my to-do list."

"Fuck off." Amy admitted her retort wasn't all that great, but she was tired.

"We will, as soon as you lift the quarantine. And we owe you one. Not for the healing, call it a marker to even the scales."

"Fine, turn yourselves in."

Amy could actually HEAR the smirk in the annoying blond's voice. "Not that big a marker. And while you may not want a villain to owe you one, consider it a favor owed by a pair of girls who just happen to be parahuman."

"Whatever. I'm clearing you. Just go." Amy was too tired to deal with this crap. Loveb-no, Cicada scooted past her to the door with a whispered "sorry" as the intercom crackled to life.

"Panacea, if you're done in there, Armsmaster is here and wants to speak with your patients."

Turning towards the blond with a victorious grin, Amy snarked "I guess you're turning yourselves in anyhow."

The grin was matched with a vulpine one. "Care to make a wager?"

-ooo-

Amy staggered into the hallway where she'd left her sister, only to see Victoria standing there, staring at the wall blankly.

"Vicky, are you ok?"

Her sister snapped out of it and looked at her. "I was, I, Aunt Sarah showed up."

Amy paled, the talks over the past week going through her head.

"She, I, I panicked and asked about her being the queen of the Azores."

Amy covered her mouth, terrified of what her aunt said.

"She didn't know what I was talking about. I kept explaining, and, and..."

Vicky stopped, and resumed her staring off into space.

"I didn't know dad was a prankster. Apparently, before his depression really set in, he was constantly pulling practical jokes."

Amy's jaw dropped. Words completely failed her.

"And we can't even be mad at him, since this is a really good sign for him fighting his depression. Having the motivation to get Crystal involved, and spin out the whole story to mess with us took more effort than almost anything else he's started this year. Aunt Sarah woke Crystal, and there's at least three weeks worth of stories and plans. She pulled in Eric, and dad even faked a tourism web-page."

Amy held her hands up.

"Nope. Not dealing. My brain is officially shut down. Home, sleep, deal with it in the morning."

-ooo-

Cicada and Tattletale walked into the re-purposed conference room to see the hulking form of Armsmaster standing there. Cicada was nervous, but Tattletale's whispered instructions to stay quiet and let her do the talking helped. The thinker was good at talking, so this should be easy for her, right?

"Lovebug, Tattletale, please sit down." Armsmaster's voice caused a flare of resentment with Taylor as she thought back to their previous two interactions, not helped by the smugness she could hear.

"Actually, Armsy, it's _Cicada_ and Tattletale, but thanks anyway." Tattletale slid into one of the chairs as Cicada tentatively sat down, not loving the direction this was going.

Before Armsmaster could retort, Tattletale continued.

"We are both really tired, what with the nearly dying twice and the late hour and all, is there any way we could do this tomorrow? Y'know, saunter over to PRT HQ after some brunch and give our statement then?"

Cicada stared at Tattletale with wide eyes, shocked at her friend's tone.

Armsmaster suppressed a grimace. "As you're both under arrest right now, no, that won't be possible."

He looked as though he was about to continue when Tattletale interrupted.

"Well, in that case, I guess I'll have to tell you everything."

And she did. Starting with confessing that they were members of the criminal gang The Undersiders, and following with details of the bank job, the jewelery store robbery, the ambush of the Wards, and the encounter with Bakuda and the ABB. She left nothing out, aside from personal identities and what they'd talked about with Panacea earlier.

Throughout the entire talk, Cicada kept quiet, thanks to Tattletale's grip on her leg that tightened every time she was about to interrupt, but kept growing paler and paler. This was quite obvious, since her costume had been confiscated and incinerated, leaving her in scrubs and a domino mask.

Armsmaster looked very satisfied when Tattletale concluded, and busied himself checking that his recording gear had worked. Naturally, it had.

"That was an unexpected pleasure to hear. Now, if that's everything-"

Tattletale interrupted.

"Actually, there are three more things. First, I called my lawyer before the Hazmat team showed up. Since I knew the PRT would stonewall them, he met with representatives of the military and three-letter agencies to fill them in as to what happened tonight. We have a bet as to whether anyone brings up the Presidential Medal of Freedom after hearing about tonight, but I doubt we'll actually get it. Second, I am the older of the two of us at 16, and third, and lastly, Hazmat didn't arrest us, they transported us, which means no-one read us our Miranda Rights."

With those words Tattletale leaned back with her hands behind her head, her vulpine grin fixed mockingly across her face. Armsmaster, on the other hand, looked like he'd eaten a whole tree full of lemons, skins and all.

"I believe that makes this entire interview fruit of a poisonous tree. Not to mention the legal troubles you could have from detaining a pair of minors without allowing us access to council or notifying our guardians."

Forcibly relaxing his jaw, Armsmaster spoke.

"Fine. You're not under arrest. What is it that you want?"

"Given that all of our belongings have been incinerated? Let's start with cab fare."

-ooo-

PRT headquarters, after sunrise

"...and that's the end of my report. In my defense, I was informed that they were picked up by the police, and it was a reasonable assumption they had been read their rights, and waived notification of parents, as is common among parahuman youth gangs."

Piggot sighed. "With the information her lawyer gave the press, they would have walked anyhow. I'm still giving you a reprimand for not checking."

"I accept that, Director, as I was entirely at fault. I doubt I would have got anything from them regardless, but it was a simple mistake to avoid."

"As for the rest, it went as well as it could have. Bakuda shut down before she managed to inflict mass casualties and the ABB leadership either arrested or dead. Of course, now we have to worry about what that blasted thinker is going to do with this kind of good publicity."

-ooo-

A/N:

The Presidential Medal of Freedom is the highest non-military honor that can be awarded in the United States.

Fruit of a poisoned tree is the doctrine that illegally obtained evidence cannot be used in court. In the United States, this is generally involving 4th amendment cases, but, as Tattletale pointed out, it can also apply to interrogation of minors and failure to notify the accused of their rights to an attorney, and the right to avoid self-incrimination. I am not a lawyer, so I don't know if I applied it correctly in this case, but for the purposes of this story, any errors can be explained as differences with Earth Bet law. I don't recommend using this tactic to get out of trouble with the law.

This is all happening on the same night as the ambush of the Wards, so no-one knows about Taylor being called Cicada yet.

shugokage, erik, Rasengalia: Thank you

Kaiya Azure: She's got the memo now, Bakuda is both arrogant and crazy, and I'll put that in the potential quotes file, thanks.

Draco Victorious: I chose a different direction, but I'm glad you like the genre.

TigerCat: Well, I had to leave it somewhere.

GreatAzureDragon: It's Tattletale, Kid Win just doesn't remember that. And thanks, happy to prove you wrong.


End file.
